I had read about this on the internet only earlier today while reading damnportlanders. I saw it and started browsing the links in the post. I had no idea that I'd be participating in something like this! I couldn't turn down a chance to ride my bike arouhnd downtown Portland while naked!!!
I leafe Teh Paw Pad around 10pm and make my way down Burnside. I looked at the place on Google Maps and had a pretty good idea where it was at. I'm glad I left early because it took me awhile to find the place. I made it to the area, heard the music from the party somewhat, but couldn't figure out where it was coming from or how to get there. I was riding around the neighborhood where the party was at and I finally saw a sign that said to enter on the Burnside Bridge. Back up to the bridge by Wentworth Chevrolet I go.
I notice a small crowd standing in front of this building. I ride by and I see that it's all geared for bikes. I figure this must be the place. I ride up on my bike, get off, and start to walk inside. I make it to the door where I knew they'd be carding people because this is an over-18 event. I pull my ID out and show it to the nice girl wearing kool glasses and a red feather boa. I then ask her to give me the gist of everything around here. She tells me that the bar is over there, bike parking is here, and there's a bag check room over there. Great! Looks like fun!
I find a place in the mishmash of bikes to park my bike. I walk over to the bar and procure myself a beer, or some liquid courage. I'm standing there drinking my (shitty) beer and listening to the DJ play some music. Most of the stuff he played was OK. One song he played I really liked. WIshed I would of asked the name of it so I could donwload it. Anyways, I finish my beer and head outside to smoke.
After I finish my smoke, I go back inside and get another beer. If I'm gonna be riding my bike around downtown Portland naked as a jaybird, I gotta have some courage! I'm standing in the crowd drinking my beer and I look to my right and I see a guy standing next to me in nothing but his birthday suit! I'm like Hell yeah! I finish my second beer, go smoke again, and come back inside. About this time it's 11:45 and the DJ asks "Does anyone wanna go for a ride on their bike NAKED?!?!" The entire crowd hooped and hollered over that one and everyone started shedding clothes and getting ready to go ride. Before this had happened, I had walked back over to the bike rack and unlocked my bike.
The announcement is made and I see people start taking off clothes everywhere. I'm standing next to my bike and I take my backpack off and start shedding clothes as well. Only thing I had left on when I was done was my pink Chucks and socks. I stuffed everything into my backpack and made my way to the small line to check in bags. I checked my bag and walked out to get on my bike.
I make it outside to ride and DAMN IS IT COLD !! After I cross the bridge with the rest of the crowd, I start to warm up a little bit. We're all glomped together riding through downtown Portland on a Saturday night and the bar crowds were in full effect! They saw us coming and started hooping and hollering! It's a total blast riding your bike naked through Portland! I've never had so much fun in my life! Cars honking, people yelling and screaming, it was a total blast!
We did our best to make a complete and utter mess of traffic in downtown Portland! We'd roll thru stop lights, swerve and weave in and out of traffic while hooping and holleriong and having a great time! We make a loop through Portland and make our way back across the bridge back to wher we started from. I see some folks pulling over and stopping and I see another crowd taking of to make another loop. I take off with them because I'm having so much fun riding my bike naked! We roll on the east side of the bridge and make a big loop around and come back across the Morrison Bridge. We make our way thru downtown again and cross the Burnside bridge back to our point of origin. This is where I decide to head in because I'm starting to get cold.
I make my way inside with my bike and there's tons of room to park now. I lean my bike against the wall, go over to the bag check room and get my backpack. After all of that, I need a smoke! I didn't even bother to get dressed. I'm standing butt-assed naked outside on the Burnside Bridge having a cigarette and talking to a few others who were in the ride. I finish my smoke and go back inside and grab a beer.
I saw this guy with a cow bonnet on his head and he had his body painted to match. Big black spots all over him! I walk up to him and say, "Hey, I love your mewing Gateway box of love!" Everyone around us heard me and we all started laughing! I'm glad that some poeple still remember the Gateway Cow boxes!
I finsh my beer, go have a smoke, talk to some people and make my way back inside for my fourth beer. I get it, talk to some more people, and I head back over to my bike when I finished my fourth. I pull my backpack off and pull my clothes out of it and start to get dressed again. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't quite ride my bike home naked. I would of froze my tail off by the time I get home!
Tonight I learned a few things. It's fun to ride your bike naked, and it's fun to ride it drunk. My stupid ass was weaving all over Hawthorne on my way home and having a good 'ol time doing it! I mostly stuck to the sidewalk because of that, but still, I had a great time! I am soo looking forward to this next year!
I wanna be naked 24/7 now.